Help With a Sexless Marriage

Do you need help with a sexless marriage that is lacking in intimacy and healthy sexual activity? If so you are not alone, there is a huge number of marriages around the world that suffer from similar sexlessness and those people suffering just as you are. The good news is that many of these relationships manage to find their way back to more normal levels of sexual activity. The bad news is that many do not and end in misery, divorce, and infidelity.

The sort of help with a sexless marriage you need can be very costly if you go to a marriage counsellor, and is often ineffective because they are not really engaged with the sort of intimacy that you need to discuss. It also requires your sexless partner to be engaged with the process which they clearly are not at this point. Instead you need some self help for sexless relationships that will help you uncover the real issues and then solve them.

This sort of help includes:

How to Communicate Properly in a Sexless Marriage

Communication in a sexless marriage is definitely something that needs to be worked on. You might talk a lot, but that does not mean you are communicating. Communication is about understanding not just about interacting. Being able to communicate about not just the issue of sex, but all of the other problems in a marriage will be a major part of increasing sex drives as strange as that might seem.

How to Uncover the Reason Behind the Statement

IF you ask your partner why they are so reluctant to have sex you will receive many answers in the form of ambiguous statements such as "I am just too tired", "I cant get in the mood", "I just have a lot of stuff on my mind" or a multitude of other excuses that do not really reveal anything much at all. Behind these statements however there are real reasons that you can discover that will help you to fix your sexless marriage. Being able to discover those is a part of good communication, but also involves you being perceptive and open to question a lot of things you might not want to...

How to Change Yourself to Fix a Sexless Marriage

This is where it becomes hard for some. Help with a sexless marriage comes down to changing yourself first before you can expect your spouse to change in any way. Some see this as unacceptable because it is not their fault... and in some ways you are right. This is not your fault, but it is also not a choice your partner makes just to spite you either. The state of the relationship depends on you doing the hard work to fix it as your spouse does not know how either. You will find that any changes you make for the better will return to you in time in the form of good things not just sex related if you stick with it!

This is quite vague I know, so if you want to find out the details of dealing with a sexless marriage, click below to find out some serious good advice to solve sexless marriage problems. This guide has helped thousands of people bring love and intimacy back into their marriage and you could be the next!

Fix Your Sexless Marriage

Libido Mismatch - Or Something Deeper?

There is a certain thinking that most sexless marriages come from a huge libido mismatch in a relationship. This is the thinking that your libido is your natural sex drive and it can be average, higher than most, or lover than most. There is evidence that some people do have physical differences that will affect the amount of sex they desire, but is this just a convenient excuse to blame genetics or god rather than psychological and general aspects of your relationship?

Let's look at what is libido first. (From the libido page on wikipedia)

Libido refers to a person's sex drive or desire for sexual activity. The desire for sex is an aspect of a person's sexuality, but varies enormously from one person to another, and it also varies depending on circumstances at a particular time. A person who has extremely frequent or a suddenly increased sex drive may be experiencing hypersexuality. Sex drive has usually biological, psychological, and social components. Biologically, levels of hormones such as testosterone are believed to affect sex drive; social factors, such as work and family, also have an impact; as do internal psychological factors, like personality and stress. There is no measure of what is a healthy level for sex. Sex drive may be affected by medical conditions, medications, lifestyle and relationship issues.
There is no necessary correlation between the desire for sex and actual sexual activity. For example, a person may have a desire for sex but not have the opportunity to act on that desire, or may on personal, moral or religious reasons refrain from acting on the urge. Psychologically, a person's urge can be repressed or sublimated. On the other hand, a person can engage in sexual activity without an actual desire for it.

So what we can learn form this is that the libido is not JUST a physical genetic thing. It is not set in stone either, your libido can fluctuate based on a variety of different factors. This is important because it means that mismatched libidos of course DO exist, but it does not mean they can always be mismatched. It also does indicate that there might always be some genetic disparity but it would be foolish to think this would rule over all the other factors.

So mismatched libidos is could be considered a state at a particular time where one partners libido is very low and the others is normal or much higher. This is a transient thing that can change, but it does not mean it can change on its own. Libido could stay low if the factors that cause these things were to continue to put pressure on their sexual desire such as resentments and of course all the other physical and mental aspects.

How Does A Sexless Marriage Happen?

How does a sexless marriage happen? How do we start out in a relationship full of intimacy, love, sex and laughter - then find it spiralling downward year after year after year, until one day you look at your married sex life and despair at the quality, and amount of intimacy that you are getting.

Sometimes the causes of sexless relationships can be quite obvious. Serious marital problems like living in a marriage after infidelity for instance, or where serious illness is preventing sexual interaction, or when very obvious psychological conditions such as clinical depression come into play. Many people however fail to see a consistent thread as to why their marriage lacks intimacy and this can be very frustrating.

There is usually no one single problem that causes sexless marriages though. It is a combination of many factors that can for a barrier to intimacy. Often the sexless husband or sexless wife will not even know the reasons themselves as they are lodged deep in their subconscious.

How a sexless marriage happens is often linked to one major part of any marriage with poor communication which is resentment.

Lots of small instances of resentment can build up over time to make your married life strained and the ability to think sexy and get sexy quite hard. When you turn to your wife for instance and in her conscious and subconscious mind there is a tumult of negative thoughts like:

• Why doesn’t he clean up after himself
• Why does he dislike my mother
• I hate the way deals with my friends
• Why doesn’t he shave more often

Or a man who is not interested in sex might think:

• Why doesn’t she stop nagging me about my work
• She puts so much pressure on me
• She keep commenting on how hot those guys on TV are and I know I am overweight

These might seem tiny scruples and on their own is usually not a big deal in a relationship. When they form together though this forms a wall of resentments that make you un-attracted to your partner very often. It is often your own small resentments that build up that can also make the way you talk and interact less than attractive as well so be warned!

This is not the only reason of course. Depression, anxiety, physical ailments, serious relationship issues, diseases and many other large factors can also come into play but they are usually more obvious. This is the small sneaking thing that ruins healthy sexual relationships and also poses a danger to your marriage in general!